Don't fall for the friendly sign outside and online reviews. The food tastes just like the place looks: a culinary 'Where's Waldo?' where flavor and quality are impossible to find. Eating here is like playing culinary roulette, but every chamber has the bullet.

And here's a twist – it's self-service, but not in the charming 'help yourself' kind of way. It's more like the owner's personal experiment in extreme cost-cutting, or perhaps a social experiment to see how much work customers will do. This four-story labyrinth turns diners into unwilling participants in a game of 'Stairmaster meets Waiter.' You'll get your steps in, but you might lose your appetite in the process.

Price-wise, it's like paying for a symphony and getting a toddler's recorder recital. The prices match those of neighboring gourmet spots, yet the experience is akin to a college dorm post-midnight revelry – a hodgepodge of ingredients desperately doused in soy sauce and mayonnaise in a futile attempt to create something palatable.

For the vegans out there, a word of caution: the kitchen's approach to meat-free dining is as casual as their approach to hygiene. It's less 'plant-based paradise' and more 'cross-contamination carnival.' If health inspectors ever swung by, it would be less of a check-up and more of an intervention.

In summary, this restaurant is like a box of chocolates, but all the chocolates are those weird flavors no one likes.