Congratulations on Setting a New Low Dear Mikel Sola, “Stockholm Ambassador” and self-proclaimed Happy Cow emissary, Thank you for breaking new ground—just not in the way you imagined. 1. First-ever “Function Menu for Two.” In six years nobody has asked for that. A “function,” by definition, involves a group. The website is clear, function is minimum 10 guests. How can I make you understand that? Yet you insisted, announced your spending limit, and then aired your confusion in public. Record-setting, indeed. 2. Misunderstanding the obvious. Our website states—clearly—that the Function Menu is designed for events. This isn’t higher math. It’s reading. 3. Fresh food ≠ fast food. We work with organic produce, zero microwaves, zero deep-fryers. Truffle crème brûlée with porcini ice cream and white asparagus isn’t a bargain-basement trio. If freezer-to-fryer is your comfort zone, London offers countless options. Bon appétit. 4. Sustainability costs what it costs. Organic produce, ethical sourcing, and central-London rent aren’t funded by wishful thinking. If “cheap” outranks “responsible” on your priority list, Happy Cow might want a new ambassador. 5. Planet first, manners a close second. Vegan or not, torching small businesses that practice genuine sustainability does nothing for the environment—though it does wonders for one’s ego, apparently. We cater to guests who understand value beyond the price tag. That crowd keeps us busy enough, so feel free to dine elsewhere. Everyone wins. Cordially (but only technically), Emerson